TIS THE SEASON - 12-31-2013 - HAPPY NEW YEAR - A love letter with cursing. Inspiration from source.

I keep seeing the message "peace on Earth..." – Tis the season and all that – despite all the gloom and apocalyptic encryptions filling walls and feeds across the globe. It's my favorite time of this season - not all the debates about "what is the day about" or "what is the season about" because what it's about since long before the prophets is really just getting through the cold and dark blackness of Winter and back to the warmth and the light of Spring.

Peace on Earth. Seems simple. But I wonder - how will we ever have peace on Earth when we can't seem to forgive the people right here at home that love us the most? How do we ever get back to Spring when it's so freaking cold all the time?

There's this guy, that guy, that woman and that other guy I know who can't seem to post anything but darkness and bitter pills. They have beauty all around them and are inspirationally beautiful to look at - think the Madonna, think Mona Lisa - but the anger they project is...toxic. It hurts to be near them too long - they shoot out emoti-nails that splinter peace, that turn hearts to granite. Think Medusa. Think me. After you were gone.

Then I was at a party recently where a person was decrying the war, the bombs, the horrible violence...

“Oh this horrible country we live in that lets people on other shores starve, that is so greed focused, that wants, wants, wants only for itself.” (Paraphrased and re-purposed for space and content.)

Then same person complained bitterly about a dog pooping on their lawn and how awful their neighbor is for "letting" the dog doo. 

So, ever the peacemaker, and thinking that 'wow, this person really wants peace on earth' - I said, "have you talked to your neighbor about it?" 

"No, he won't listen. I tried to say something once, but I could tell he wasn’t going to hear me. He slammed the door in my face." 

And I thought..."We're doomed." 

Then my optimist kicks in, you know, the eternal one that loves you even when you break my heart. That says forever and means it. The one that cries at sappy movies.

And I think - "maybe we could - you know - just talk to people and heal the world one person at a time?"

So I look back on my year of living dangerously - telling my truth to everyone instead of hiding it with just "real" friends. Not really advising so much as charting the journey for myself, but in public. 

This last year has started my quest to try to heal the deepest rift. The soul breaker that blocked me in, imprisoned me in despair for so many, many years. When my emotional heart dissolved and left me empty so all any of you saw was the mask. 

And I realize that no matter how far I have come - 56 lbs down, filled with joy more than not - I still have so very far to go. 

Because truth - I kind of failed epically this year to manage the real issue - my own peace on earth situation. Despite beginning a noble quest, yet lingers an impossible dream unfulfilled, to heal not just one soul, but to fight a recalcitrant windmill. And despite the brilliant days, I still have days of pajamas, sad sonnets and spoonfuls of peanut butter. 

That said (cue trumpets) - I still haven’t given up! My destiny calls and I go...

I'll keep trying in the coming year to clean up the toxins I have left in the world – to make love out of legacy - and to make sure you know that I love you. 

If your dog poops on my lawn or you shat on my soul – I’m going to probably mention it and try to work it out. And if I did anything to injure yours, and I know about it, believe me you’re on my list. I'm no Earl Hickey - but I have definitely done my own share of bag worthy, karma listing, deeds. 

But I don't have to anymore. That's what I've come to. Go ahead - destroy me. I'm going to do my darndest to hug you and love you any damned way I can. Even if it's just that I mantra your name each morning during my healing meditation, or each evening when I look at the moon. Because I trust my instinct and if it said you are worth loving once - you are freaking worth loving forever. 

I’m just going to hug one windmill at a time – the one inside, and the one outside. Sometimes I'm going to get thrown. And damn this current windmill is really beating me down – but someday, I’ll win the ultimate prize of forgiveness. Not with jabs, but with love. 

So yeah - talk to your neighbor, kindly, about the dog pooping on your yard. If that doesn’t work and he slams a door in your face - try a different tactic. Send flowers. Send love poems. Send love stories. Send love thoughts. Send love mantras. Over and over again. Send love. Until love finally knocks so hard into him that he opens up that f’in door and love pours in and then back out at you and he comes into your yard and picks up all that dog shit himself - you know, as a gesture of tranquility. 

I know it sounds like a pipe dream. But until you do it - you're never going to be happy - and he’s really not going to be happy either - because every time he lets that dog out he's thinking about you glaring at his house and how he is personally responsible for a lot of shit you're trying to get rid of.

And even if the species is doomed, do you really need to be personally responsible for somebody else's shit? 

I sure don’t want to be.

Inspiration from source: Peace on Earth, begins with me.

Do it to it.

Happy New Year.